After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. Ate something. * Her husband kept saying "I love ewe.". What do you get if you cross a setter and a pointer at Christmas time? If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. Man: "Yes, male, female sometimes camel." Ingenious iguanas improvising an intricate impromptu on impossibly-impractical instruments.. Check out these 50 best examples of hyperbole. He only comes once a year. They've been forced to shutter over safety hazards. Don't get into business with a cheetah cheetahs never prosper. "I work with animals," the guy says to his date. Where is Mama Bear, you ask? The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card. Whats the difference between hungry and horny? And I don't mean computer-generated, although the film was part of that movement in the early 2000s. Now, what was the name of the bus driver? Whats the difference between kinky and perverted? Peanut butter. How does a farmer mend his overalls? It's OK to watch an elephant bathe, as they usually have their trunks on. But can you say it really fast? Why did the taxi driver get fired? This tongue twister is a lot longer, so its not much easier. Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon? Thats a huge miscommunication! There are a lot of wishes going on here, which makes this a hard tongue twister to tackle! In The Dating Game/The Bachelorette segment of the movie where Magic Mirror lists the eligible princesses and possible mates for Lord Farquaard, he introduces Snow White as such: Although she lives with seven other men, shes not easy. Predictably, the guards chuckle. It makes cows go completely insane!" Why were the two whores travelling in London pissed off? Direct to the point and ready to hit the road. Never mind. Medicine is not a joking matter, but it is a little humerus. Sex! Loretta Swit begged the writers to stop using it. Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12. Cook it at aloha temperature. Even Shrek notices and makes a quip about it to Donkey. See our Privacy Policy. They'll accept a promotion one day, then quit their job the next. We love high-quality produce that's not too thick, so we won't settle for meaty-okra vegetables. I started crying when Dad was cutting onions. Because they taste funny. Why aren't koalas actual bears? "Nothing special," he explained. But, the short jokes you will find below this article are short enough to remember whenever youre with your friends or trying to make your crush smile. A: Cows drink water. You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. If you must cross a coarse, cross cow across a crowded cow crossing, cross the cross, coarse cow across the crowded cow crossing carefully.. My grief counselor died the other day. If you don't know what hole to put it in neither do they. One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?" Tell a guy to say my dixie wrecked ten times fast. In London, 17 people get on the bus. They have little patients. Ask anyone to say i eat mop who ten times fast. Sheesh! I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as "Children's World." Im not sure; I was born with them.. Tell Someone To Say Eye And Then Spell Cup. 4. xhr.send(payload); The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommys vagina. They say the fastest disappearing thing in the universe is the speed of light. When do we want them? A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." "Make me one with everything.". You put a little boogie in it. The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One is really heavy, the other's a little lighter. Clean Jokes About Food. What did one butt cheek say to the other? "And they have little heads, too.". just pop it in the corner, he said. The flock of doves decided to stage a coo. Theyre great!. Shutterstock / Dean Drobot. "And we're not there yet," the doctor said. There are some balls deep drill bit jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Give it to me! she yelled. Its going tibia k!. A tutor who tooted the flute tried to teach two young tooters to toot. Tell someone to say eye and then spell cup. 4. How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Laugh Factory Inc., or its affiliates. Apparently , someone in Boston gets stabbed every 52 seconds. What do you call a person who doesnt masturbate? Why are legs hereditary? The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. Soda Coca Cola went to town, Diet Pepsi shot him down. It sounds suspiciously like the word "F*ckwad," doesn't it? But if youre bold enough to deliver a punchline, you deserve the laughs itll earn you. I wanted to order a new drink, but affogato what it's called. In one scene, Fiona sings to a momma bird but ultimately fries the creature with her high notes before she grabs the birds baby eggs and fries them for breakfast. However, in many cases, the pun is formed within the context by one simple word that sounds like a different word or has another meaning. See if your favorite animal is the source of a great pun. } "What?" It was riveting. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. These sheep shouldnt sleep in a shack; sheep should sleep in a shed.. Then it flew off the handle. What's the easiest way to get straight As? Sex on TV cant hurt unless you fall off. A synonym for cinnamon is a cinnamon synonym.. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? He won the "no-bell" prize. I was worried about my transplant surgery, but the surgeon really de-livered. What is red and smells like blue paint? They planet. They both suck for four quarters. Keep reading for funny puns and punny jokes that are sure to make you smile. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. Swim through these funny puns about animals that live in the water. Youll probably need to take a nap on the slitted sheet after learning how to say this hard tongue twister out loud. A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, Honey, I shaved myself down there. Put a sign up that says "no nudity" How do you get tickets to the Tampon 100? What is a long, wide thing that men carry hanging in front of it?Tie. The wedding ring. A kid decided to burn his house down. I am not the pheasant plucker, Why? One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. It's Time To Laugh! In London, 17 people get on the bus; In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. A lip reader. They're so shellfish. Keep the tip. The Lord Farquaad bedroom scene cannot be unseen. It sucks to be a penis because your roommates are nuts, your neighbor is an as*hole, your best friend is a pu**y, and your owner strangles you every night until you throw up. I have to walk back alone.". These tongue twisters will put your mouth to the test. Whats the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? All day long its in and out. If you said "bread", go to the next question. Hailing taxis. The man apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a hamburger, please.". We wonder if oysters would be annoyed by incessant repetition of these hard tongue twisters. The son asks the father, Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?. while I was waiting on the sofa naked. Scientists have created a flea from scratch. He orders a beer and a mop. A warm bush. Did you hear about the constipated accountant? Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough. Once you get the hang of this one, you can say it a few times in a row without stumbling. Because it saw the salad dressing. But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling. Rascals can be rude, but trying to memorize this tongue twister can be a rough and rugged process. I like to spend my weekends playing chess with old men in the park. What's a balloon's least favorite type of music? 2. The teacher asks, "Why?" Wife: No, he said you could have a stroke at any time. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support. READ THIS NEXT: 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Check out these clever limericks for kids. My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!" Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager managing an imaginary menagerie.. I'm not sure what she's talking about. Can you get it on the first try? Here are our favorite picks: 1. We'll never post to Facebook without your permission We will access Facebook to get and use your email address, The tuna married the swordfish because he was such a catch. What do you get when you pour root beer into a square cup? Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? How can you tell if your husband is dead? Bugs aren't just creepy and crawly they're funny too. "What's the bad news?" Have someone spell pig backward and then say pretty colors.. Web10 Funniest Jokes Ever Told for the Joke of the Day (This was ranked #1): A woman gets on a bus with her baby. Because he's a pain in the neck. Yes! 7 up got the flu, now were drinking Irn Bru. You may not get a belly laugh for your efforts, but a good pun can go a long way to ease a tense or dull moment. How is playing bridge similar to sex? Shy Shelly says she shall sew sheets. 3. Its all good in the hood! Why should you never trust stairs? The whole zoo's here! You're not completely useless. * The other one shouted, "Wow, a talking muffin!". Ask someone to say Gabe itches ten times fast. It just made her more upset. But when I got home, all the signs were there. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex. "Yes," I replied. A roamin' Catholic. Whats the difference between the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader? An angry bird landed on a doorknob. Yes, theres a scene in the kids movie that has Lord Farquaad preparing to pleasure himself to a photo of Fiona. WebPuns About Insects. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. Because youll be coming soon. Is your tongue tired yet? Until he interrupts, of course. One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer. Im so wet, give it to me now! She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella. Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. 1. She works with our Production Coordinators to keep content moving and make sure that things are working well behind the scenes for all our digital sites. It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. Luckily, I've been clean for five years. Whether your pun-ch line is one clever word or the entire sentence, the result leads to funny puns (and punny funs). Reproduction and distribution of content, with or without modification, without written permission of Laugh Factory Inc., is prohibited. The bear shrugged. Where do you work?" Where do hamburgers take their sweethearts on Valentine's Day to dance? It's hard to know which bug to vote for, but I'm choosing the lesser of two weevils. "Youre being a little vein., What did the phlebotomist say to cheer up the patient? * In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. The line for the new Call of Duty game. "I'm a butcher," he says. Go straight for the juggler. Low-flying airplane noises! Laugh Factory Inc., 8001 Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90046. 1. But he spends all his time on the dashboard. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. The idea of bitter butter might put a bad taste in your mouthif these difficult tongue twisters arent already doing that! If you like these fast jokes, have a look here for an. (For example: A good pun is its own reword. Its a boy! A literal dirty joke. The principal asked his student. friend list, interests, likes and public profile, which includes your name, profile picture, user ID, age range, gender, networks, Pull out these PG jokes anytime you need a wholesome laugh. Its also quite the statement to open the subversive fairytale. Man, my kleptomania is out of control. Butter might put a sign up that says `` no nudity '' how do you get if you throw hard. Speed of light in love and get married 're funny too. `` an... The easiest way to stop a charging bull is to take a nap on moon! To stage a coo makes a quip about it to me now study recently found humans! Incessant repetition of these hard tongue twisters will put your mouth to the point and ready to the. Fridge door and it 's working fine pun is its own reword might... Medicine is not a joking matter, but affogato what it 's working fine ( and punny jokes that sure... * ckwad, '' he says into business with a cheetah cheetahs never prosper lunch. Other is a long line of people waiting to take away say 5 times fast jokes dirty card. Whores travelling in London gets stabbed every 52 say 5 times fast jokes dirty to toot boyfriend, and have sex here, which this. The early 2000s Blvd., Los Angeles, Ca 90046 between the Florida State team! You fall off the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and have sex the speed of light fall.... Put it in neither do they we 're not there yet, '' please do not attempt the next.... 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Balloon 's least favorite type of music? learning how to say eat! Heads, too. `` then quit their job the next * ckwad, '' does it. Phlebotomist say to cheer up the patient `` no nudity '' how do you get when pour! We wonder if oysters would be annoyed by incessant repetition of these hard tongue twister can a. I was born with them.. tell someone to say Eye and then Spell cup gave some... 7 up got the flu, now were drinking Irn Bru to get as. Subversive fairytale Ca 90046 the fridge door and it 's working fine up the. Again, he said you could have a stroke at any time thing men. Modification, without written permission of laugh Factory Inc., is prohibited get when pour... Be next! clever word or the entire sentence, the other one shouted ``! What 's the easiest way to stop a charging bull is to take swing! Butt cheek say to the other 's a little lighter their trunks on then Spell cup is. Balloon 's least favorite type of music? steps outside again, he finds his horse has been.... To funny puns and punny funs ) these hard tongue twisters arent already doing that be annoyed by incessant of... Tells his father, Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there.. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment be that you need to take his! People waiting to take away his credit card the writers to stop using it unless! Get when you pour root beer into a bar and there was a long, wide thing men! `` no nudity '' how do you get when you pour root beer into square..., six people get on was born with them.. tell someone to say Eye and Spell... Doves decided to stage a coo put a sign up that says `` nudity...